My heart is racing, pounding out of my chest-I’m feeling full of excitement, doubts, confusion, almost as if on unsteady ground-a rocking balancing act on a flat top trying to hold onto my center balance. Currently, this is my moment in fear. But, it doesn’t always have to be like this-fear can come in many other forms. Just as of lately, fear has been in the form of excitement for me. So here I am, on this mindfulness life journey of mine. This is what I choose right now. I’m swirling in the unknown, in uncomfortable situations, surrounding by all new beautiful things and people, new ground to explore. I’m here in the now, and it’s awesome and a bit scary.
I’ve been living abroad for the past 6 months and have immersed myself in some of the most incredible places and unique cultures. It's something I’ve dreamed of doing for years and the courage I’ve longed to display my whole life as far back as I can remember. So, as I sit in the cutest little apartment in France writing-I must not lose sense of all of this-even when fear creeps in. This is the life I am creating for myself; this is the person I want to be. There is no more discovering who I am, I know who I am and in each moment I am learning to love more and more parts of myself as they surface and become available to love. So as I sit and reflect, I’m encouraged to question myself, as I hope you do the same for yourself...
Why do you feel this way? Are you honoring yourself? What do you want or need right now, in this moment?
This morning when I woke to reflect and ask myself these questions, it led me to my computer to write. I want to write. I want to express all of these things that have been on my heart for years. I want to share my journey of self with the world.
What topic/chapter do you want to write about today? Why do you want to share?
When these questions surface, I know that it's another lesson in learning how to be kind to myself and love the scientist within me, because I don't have all the answers to all the details I may like and that scares me…and here’s that fear again. It lurks in so many nooks and crannies. So, I combat that fear with positive affirmations and a little self pep talk...
I accept myself completely here and now. I want to write to express what I’ve been holding onto inside-it’s a form of letting go for me. The things in my heart should be shared, it will in my opinion spread love, be a gift to this world, and allow myself to be more open to receive in an even fuller way than I have ever imagined. Writing for me is healing, an expression, a spreading of light…as reading such works from others has been so healing and inspiring to me. This is what I want, to share my passion with the world and encourage others to be the best versions of themselves. If everyone in this world were to do that, I truly believe it would change the world. Divine love goes before me and prepares the way.
Fear fronts this desire to write and offers doubt. Who can survive making a career on that? All I know is that writing makes me feel amazing and if I can do this and travel for a living…WOW, what a dream. A dream so many of us have shared, and so many of us have been successful in doing if honored for the right reasons. So, I’m going to make a small step towards honoring this desire, as casting all those emotions which surround writing as a "career" aside...let's just take it baby steps here. Baby step #1: Apply to write for my favorite inspirational blog, Thought Catalog. Check! Baby step #2: Now, write about it. Check!
You can’t expect to get anything back if you don’t crack that door of desire open. What's the door for you? Take those baby steps…embracing fear…feeling and choosing love and cracking open just one door today of many to follow.
”Every human thought and every human action is based in either love or fear”-Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsch
....I choose Love, but thank you Fear for showing up...